What we're talking about is called "Theodicy." It's the question of why bad things happen to good people. And I'm afraid there may not be any satisfying answers for people in the midst of grief.
There are answers that make sense, but in the midst of grief, we don't want "sense." We want to know why this horrible thing happened to us, to our loved ones, or why these things have to happen at all.
There is this wonderful quote said by someone I've never heard of which helps, I think, open a door to understanding on this issue, though. It is this:
“If God would concede me His omnipotence for 24 hours, you would see how many changes I would make in the world. But if He gave me His wisdom too, I would leave things as they are.”
― J.M.L. Monsabre
We want to say "I would change things, I would make things better, I would fix what is broken and end the suffering."
Atheists often say this as a refutation of the idea of God.
But we know that there is nothing God does not see. There is nothing God does not know.
When my son was a newborn, we took him to the Hospital for his vaccinations. It broke my heart to hold him still while the nurse jammed a needle into his heel over and over again, giving him various shots. I cried as much as he did. He felt the pain, and I couldn't make the pain stop. It crushed me.
But what my son couldn't see, that I could, was that the vaccinations would make his life better. This pain in his foot that he didn't understand would protect him from polio, scoliosis, or several other things.
In the same way, I think, we go through pain here. We cannot understand why we do. We have no idea how this pain could bring about goodness. It doesn't make sense to us.
But we must remember that God is a loving parent for those of us who are His and that He is still in control. That's what the quote is about: if God were to give us His power for a day, we would change the world. But if He also gave us His wisdom, we would understand why these things are. God, in His wisdom, understands why these things are, and leaves them as they are.
It is helpful, I think, to spend time in the story of Joseph, in the last 12 or so chapters of Genesis. Joseph is one of two major characters in the whole Bible about which nothing bad is ever said. But Joseph suffered his whole life. He was sold into slavery, he was thrown in prison, he was forgotten there, and even when he was made a major ruler in Egypt, he was still not free to go home to be with his family. Even in his luxury, Joseph suffered.
But in the end, God used Joseph's position to save not only Joseph but all of Israel. 70 people went to Egypt to be saved under Joseph's rule, and two million people came out of Egypt 430 years later. Israel not only survived but flourished because of Joseph's suffering. And in one line, Joseph sums it all up:
Genesis 50:20 (ESV)
20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.
In the same way, I think, we suffer pain and evil here, but God means all of this for His Glory. And His Glory is the highest calling to which any created being can attain: when we bring God glory, we fulfill our greatest purpose. This is not to say that God causes our suffering to make Himself feel better; not at all. We cause our own suffering when we sin, and every one of us is guilty of it. Our sin, Paul says, corrupts the entire universe... we're broken people living in a broken reality. But in that brokenness, we continue to praise Him, and our light shines before the world: "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father which is in Heaven."
And as I said, in the midst of suffering, that answer is not satisfying. It's not the answer we want, because all we can see is our suffering. But here's the other part of it: remember when I said I was crying with my son when he was getting his shots?
Our Father weeps with us also. God loves us so much that He sent His Only Son to save us... and when Jesus stood at the tomb of Lazarus, He also wept. God mourns with us; just because something brings about our good doesn't mean it doesn't hurt us, and it is right to mourn in that pain. Consider these words of St. Paul, and do not lose heart:
2 Corinthians 4:16–18 (ESV)
16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
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